Keeping calm and carrying on.

I think it’s fair to say that I am an emotional person. There’s no denying that. But the emotion that I probably have the least encounter with is frustration..

Because of recent events and personal relationships (.. that I really do not want to go into detail about in this blog post), I have learnt more about what it is like to live with frustration. More so in these past couple of months than I have ever done collectively in my whole life. I think.. And I had absolutely no idea about how to deal with it and to this day, I still probably don’t. But hopefully by writing about it today, it will help me make sense of a rather bitter situation.

I rarely get frustrated. Of course, I get annoyed by certain things because we all have our pet peeves and that’s just normal. But I rarely get frustrated. And the greatest contributor is probably the fact that the person causing that frustration, is somebody that I love very much. Not knowing how to deal with this frustration is probably because I’ve been too cautious and conscious of hurting that person back. Frustrated that I feel like I can’t say what I want to say in fear of how they’re going to react. Frustrated that it feels like I’m walking on egg shells all the time. Frustrated that I can’t be honest and most of all, frustrated that I can’t make things better again. It may be the case that what’s been done, has been done and there’s no going forward with that other than accepting that it is what it is. In fact, I’m pretty certain of that. But it’s the frustration that I feel is acting as a barrier to that process.

Luckily, the frustration hasn’t grown into something as destructive as anger. And I guess I should be grateful for that. Instead, I just want to withdraw myself and have a good cry. And that’s okay because I understand that it’s normal to do that too. But we’re all taught to identify the elements in our lives that trigger off these negative emotional reactions so that we can try and avoid them all together. But what do you do if you can’t avoid those triggers and that actually, that trigger is someone you love?

I don’t want to avoid that person and I don’t want to not have that person in my life. This person will forever be in it and will always play a massive part in it. I don’t want to seek revenge because that’s just for weak people and it’s just not in my nature as a person to want to do that. I have always thought that intelligent people just ignore it. But I can’t seem to do that either. I think I’ve learnt that if I’m going to have this person in my life, I am going to have to deal with the frustration that accompanies it. There’s just a fine balance to it.

I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense to all you reading this. But here is what I am going to try and do to help me manage my emotions in a better and healthier way. And maybe it will help you too if you ever find yourselves – like me – stuck in this spiral of frustration and bitterness..

  • Don’t take immediate actions and give yourself time to reflect before you react. Ask for some clarification and gain some more perspective before making your response. This will hopefully stop us from saying the things that we know we will regret something. We have all had those moments where we have all said things that we know were wrong to say but somehow, they seem to slip out of our mouths too easily before we can even comprehend how much the words could hurt someone. And soon enough, we bow our heads in shame and think, “Shit. What did I say that for?” By that point, it’s usually too late.
  • Don’t use your frustration as an opportunity to bring that person down or to try and change other’s opinions about them. This is only going to escalate the situation and again, goes back to being more in that revenge-ful mind state. Which we should all be trying hard to avoid.
  • Focus on the positives and figure out ways of improving the relationship/situation. Maybe spending less time initially will help to diffuse those raw emotions to a level where it’s more manageable; and less damaging for all involved.
  • Be respectful of that person. Question whether they really understood the consequences of their actions. Respect their thoughts and feelings but maintain some assertiveness.

I think that’s what I’m finding the most difficult. Learning how to be assertive in the situation that I am in. It’s what I’m most afraid of doing and I guess this is where the fine balance comes into play. You want to respect others but it’s equally important to respect yourselves too. In order to deal with the crap that life throws at us from time to time, we all need a degree of self-worth. And maybe, it’s more about forgiveness than anything else.

It goes back to one of my favorite quotes from Bob Marley:

The truth is that everybody is bound to hurt you. You’ve just got to find the ones worth suffering for.

And it’s times like this where I really get to appreciate just how true those words are. If the person who this post is related to reads this.. then don’t worry. You are worth it.

J

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